So day to day life has gotten easier. Ham will sit and "play" for a period of time now. But the night time is still a train wreck. He gets up to eat far more often than he needs to...and there is no rhyme or reason to his waking. I'm sitting here in a zombie like state wondering WHY I did this to myself again. I had time to go to the gym...I could shop at my leisure...I could go to bed and wake up when I wanted to... And for the past 130 days I have been stripped of those luxuries. GyM? Once a month maybe.. shopping.. rarely without Ham in tow and in a rushed fashion. we are supposed to take a vacation in a couple weeks and I can't even muster up an ounce of happiness to go :( I just want everyone to leave so I can sleep in my own bed............
Monday, February 4, 2013
Friday, December 14, 2012
11 weeks.
Ah. Another Friday. This is a victory for me. It means we have survived another week. Jax..aka the Screaming Ham hasn't killed me yet. Why do we call him the Screaming Ham you ask? High needs infants feed often. My children tend to grow a lot in the first year and level off. While Jax started out as an 8 lb 4 ounce baby, he is already 16 lbs and wearing 9 month Carters. We have joked around saying he is so solid... like a brick... like burping a sandbag, and lastly.. he "feels like a Christmas Ham" Well one day I cut a conversation short because as usual, Jax was SCREAMING. Annoyed and exhausted I said to my Mom, "Hey I have to go, my ham is screaming..." Welcome the nickname... "The Screaming Ham" Along with that we also have Chunkzilla.
How does one entertain a screaming ham you ask? Swing? Forget it. They hate swings. Bouncy Seat? Nope. Those are for sleeping because for some messed up reason as if high needs infants aren't miserable enough, they often come with reflux and need to sleep on an incline. Hmmm Tummy Time? NO WAY. You might as well pull an arm off.. High needs babies HATE TUMMY TIME.
All that baby crap you have for your high needs baby? Might as well throw it away. Get a BIG exercise ball. Now hold your screaming ham and bounce... bounce.. bounce. Don't you dare sit on the couch. You bounce till your thighs hurt and the ham is asleep and drooling.
Baby toys you say? NOPE. High needs babies don't like those. They like ceiling fans. Mylar balloons, BRIGHT big screen TVs.
Your baby is screaming... gentle rocking? forget that too. Get out the vacuum and plug it in.. turn it on... once the baby is quiet you must leave it on. That is the only way to keep the baby from fussing.
Also- buy a carrier. Buy one you like and get used to wearing it. High needs babies will fuss when you put them into it (because they hate ANY transition) but they will enjoy moving with you and being able to move in ways they cannot yet.
This is just a cross section of my day and my life. My whole day is focused on keeping Jax happy and trying to do normal life activities while keeping the peace.
I know it will get better... but I mourn the fact that I never had the chance to have a "normal" baby. These babies are never easy. I keep telling myself that the next stage is the good one and that it will get better. But some days.. it is so hard to stay positive and see the good in spite of the bad.
How does one entertain a screaming ham you ask? Swing? Forget it. They hate swings. Bouncy Seat? Nope. Those are for sleeping because for some messed up reason as if high needs infants aren't miserable enough, they often come with reflux and need to sleep on an incline. Hmmm Tummy Time? NO WAY. You might as well pull an arm off.. High needs babies HATE TUMMY TIME.
All that baby crap you have for your high needs baby? Might as well throw it away. Get a BIG exercise ball. Now hold your screaming ham and bounce... bounce.. bounce. Don't you dare sit on the couch. You bounce till your thighs hurt and the ham is asleep and drooling.
Baby toys you say? NOPE. High needs babies don't like those. They like ceiling fans. Mylar balloons, BRIGHT big screen TVs.
Your baby is screaming... gentle rocking? forget that too. Get out the vacuum and plug it in.. turn it on... once the baby is quiet you must leave it on. That is the only way to keep the baby from fussing.
Also- buy a carrier. Buy one you like and get used to wearing it. High needs babies will fuss when you put them into it (because they hate ANY transition) but they will enjoy moving with you and being able to move in ways they cannot yet.
This is just a cross section of my day and my life. My whole day is focused on keeping Jax happy and trying to do normal life activities while keeping the peace.
I know it will get better... but I mourn the fact that I never had the chance to have a "normal" baby. These babies are never easy. I keep telling myself that the next stage is the good one and that it will get better. But some days.. it is so hard to stay positive and see the good in spite of the bad.
Introduction: About Me
Hello-
My Name is Theresa and I'm a mom to two children; a daughter who is almost 6, and a son who is 11 weeks old. When I gave birth to my daughter almost 6 years ago and brought her home, I embarked on a journey that was one of the toughest of my life. My little girl went from being a little fussy to being the most difficult baby I had ever experienced. I tried everything to comfort this baby... The worse she got, the more I pulled away from her. There were days I wished someone would come and take her away. She was NEVER happy. I came down with postpartum depression and we had a very rough journey. All my friends had these easy going babies- why was mine "broke?" Why did my baby scream every waking moment.. why was she so sensitive?? What did I do wrong?? Terms like colic were thrown around.. but after 12 weeks she didn't outgrow it. After a period of time I stumbled on to the, "fussy baby book" by Dr. Sears.. and there it was in black and white, "High Needs Baby" and that was my daughter. I swore up and down I would never have another child.
Time passed and I forgot.. I forgot how demanding a newborn could be. Surely I was just exaggerating... My daughter wasn't that bad; it was just my postpartum depression. In Feb of 2012, I found out I was pregnant. I should have been thrilled. I had been trying for a couple years. But I wasn't. I was terrified. What if I got PPD again? What if I'm worse?
Armed with knowledge I refused to come down with PPD again. I made sure to start an antidepressant at the end of my pregnancy. At the end of September I gave birth to a healthy boy. Jax seemed like a cuddly little boy. Hoping for a "band-aid" baby to fix my first experience we headed home. Things quickly went from normal to hard, and from hard to impossible. Jax quickly became hard to comfort. He screamed and recoiled when I nursed him. I assumed he was not tolerating something in my diet and put him on formula... After a couple weeks on formula he got very gassy and was always fussy. He'd scream for hours on end. He had reflux(I recognized the signs from my first child) I quickly jumped into action. I switched him to hypoallergenic formulaa nd got him on prevacid. The first day he was a different baby. "Whew" I thought. Just colic. I "fixed" him. Wrong. Jax was not only colicky, besides his reflux he had, "High Needs" I recognized it right away by the desire to feed constantly, always wanting to be held and moved about and the preference for bouncing over any other form of motion. Jax was INTENSE. Jax never just whined... he SCREAMED; red in the face, sweaty and impossible to soothe if he got too worked up.
I started searching online for others like him. The more I searched the more I found. I realized that there are parents of high needs babies all over... And we are all exhausted. These kids suck the life blood out of you and give nothing back. And unlike colic with magically goes away at 12 weeks, high needs infants don't really get "better" until they can move themselves around. They genuinely seem to hate being a baby and are just chronically frustrated with life. Colic babies fuss at night, love to go for rides in the car etc. High needs infants hate being in their carseat unless it is sitting atop a grocery cart with a wiggly wheel and they fuss ALL DAY LONG.
If you found my "blog" then you too much have a child like this. I feel your pain. The one thing I can promise you is this. The child you will get at the end of this journey is AMAZING. And I wasn't even that great of a parent in my opinion. These high needs infants turn into empathetic, sweet, generous kind children. However, this first year of their life, will be one of the rough years of yours.
I'm doing this blog as an emotional outlet. It is here for others who feel the same way and to know they are not alone. This blog is not for bashing my feelings or parenting choices. I just want to share what works, doesn't work and what it is like having a child like this.
theresa
My Name is Theresa and I'm a mom to two children; a daughter who is almost 6, and a son who is 11 weeks old. When I gave birth to my daughter almost 6 years ago and brought her home, I embarked on a journey that was one of the toughest of my life. My little girl went from being a little fussy to being the most difficult baby I had ever experienced. I tried everything to comfort this baby... The worse she got, the more I pulled away from her. There were days I wished someone would come and take her away. She was NEVER happy. I came down with postpartum depression and we had a very rough journey. All my friends had these easy going babies- why was mine "broke?" Why did my baby scream every waking moment.. why was she so sensitive?? What did I do wrong?? Terms like colic were thrown around.. but after 12 weeks she didn't outgrow it. After a period of time I stumbled on to the, "fussy baby book" by Dr. Sears.. and there it was in black and white, "High Needs Baby" and that was my daughter. I swore up and down I would never have another child.
Time passed and I forgot.. I forgot how demanding a newborn could be. Surely I was just exaggerating... My daughter wasn't that bad; it was just my postpartum depression. In Feb of 2012, I found out I was pregnant. I should have been thrilled. I had been trying for a couple years. But I wasn't. I was terrified. What if I got PPD again? What if I'm worse?
Armed with knowledge I refused to come down with PPD again. I made sure to start an antidepressant at the end of my pregnancy. At the end of September I gave birth to a healthy boy. Jax seemed like a cuddly little boy. Hoping for a "band-aid" baby to fix my first experience we headed home. Things quickly went from normal to hard, and from hard to impossible. Jax quickly became hard to comfort. He screamed and recoiled when I nursed him. I assumed he was not tolerating something in my diet and put him on formula... After a couple weeks on formula he got very gassy and was always fussy. He'd scream for hours on end. He had reflux(I recognized the signs from my first child) I quickly jumped into action. I switched him to hypoallergenic formulaa nd got him on prevacid. The first day he was a different baby. "Whew" I thought. Just colic. I "fixed" him. Wrong. Jax was not only colicky, besides his reflux he had, "High Needs" I recognized it right away by the desire to feed constantly, always wanting to be held and moved about and the preference for bouncing over any other form of motion. Jax was INTENSE. Jax never just whined... he SCREAMED; red in the face, sweaty and impossible to soothe if he got too worked up.
I started searching online for others like him. The more I searched the more I found. I realized that there are parents of high needs babies all over... And we are all exhausted. These kids suck the life blood out of you and give nothing back. And unlike colic with magically goes away at 12 weeks, high needs infants don't really get "better" until they can move themselves around. They genuinely seem to hate being a baby and are just chronically frustrated with life. Colic babies fuss at night, love to go for rides in the car etc. High needs infants hate being in their carseat unless it is sitting atop a grocery cart with a wiggly wheel and they fuss ALL DAY LONG.
If you found my "blog" then you too much have a child like this. I feel your pain. The one thing I can promise you is this. The child you will get at the end of this journey is AMAZING. And I wasn't even that great of a parent in my opinion. These high needs infants turn into empathetic, sweet, generous kind children. However, this first year of their life, will be one of the rough years of yours.
I'm doing this blog as an emotional outlet. It is here for others who feel the same way and to know they are not alone. This blog is not for bashing my feelings or parenting choices. I just want to share what works, doesn't work and what it is like having a child like this.
theresa
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